If u agree this ...

Another Gem from Chetan Bhagat!! Enjoy.

Chetan Bhagat

Keep Smiling

Research has shown that the mere physical act of smiling, without actually feeling like it, triggers internal biological reactions that stimulate emotions and contribute to a better mood – in you and others.

In other words, when you feel down, fake a big fat smile and you will lighten up automatically. But be careful, it also works the other way around, so remember to keep smiling. 


Of course genuine smiling works a lot better.

Wife teaching English Grammer to her Husband

Wife : I am beautiful ! Which tense is that ?

Husband : this is 100% Past tense !

MEANING OF ABCDEFG & GFEDCBA

Certainly not true every time but it had me ROFL

Monkey Business

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under
one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.

The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind* He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.

He remembered his grandfather's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Sukhwinder threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,
gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather !!!???"

The Confidence Man

How Lalit Modi, possessed of inhuman energy, ambition and audacity, built a billion-dollar cricket kingdom—only to be rudely ejected from its throne. http://www.caravanmagazine.in/Story.aspx?StoryID=768&Page=1

Lalit Modi during the Indian Premier League final in Mumbai, on 25 April 2010. He would be suspended from his position as the league’s commissioner within a matter of days.

Amazing Science Facts

1) Turtles can live for more than 100 years.
2) An elephant trunk has no bone but 40,000 muscles.
3) The cicada, a fly found in Africa, spends 17 years of its life sleeping; and only two weeks is awake during which mates and then dies.
4) The ant can lift things 10 times its own weight.
5) If your skin is laid flat it will cover an area of 18 square feet.
6) A Giraffe has the same number of bones in its neck as a man.
7) Ocean waves can travel as fast as a JET Plane.
8) The first drawings of a helicopter are nearly 500 years old.
9) A butterfly warms up its body up to 81 degrees Fahrenheit before flying.
10) A whale can swim for 3 months without eating.
11) A human being drinks 16,000 tons of water in a lifetime.
12) We blink 25 times a minute.
13) To melt away 1 pound of fat you will need to walk 34 miles.
14) The star fish is actually not a fish, its an animal. ( phylum : Echinodermate )
15) Male mosquitoes do not bite, so blame the females next time.
16) A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation.
17) The body's largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet.
18) Oysters can change from one gender to another and back again.
19) The small intestine is 7-8 meters long, making it the largest organ inside the human body. The large intestine is only 1-1.5 meters long!
20)The largest lizard in the world is the Komodo dragon which reaches up to 3 meters and sometimes longer was named because of it's fiery tongue. It is often longer than a car.

Men - Book Your Copy !! :-)

Finally a book for all MEN to understand A WOMAN....

EGO, then and now

The surprising benefits of lemon!

The surprising benefits of lemon!
================================Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Charles Street Baltimore , MD 1201.
This is the latest in medicine, effective for cancer!

Read carefully & you be the judge.
Lemon (Citrus) is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy.

Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits. You can now help a friend in need by letting him/her know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. Its taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy. How many people will die while this closely guarded secret is kept, so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations? As you know, the lemon tree is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, etc... It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors. This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms, it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant, combats stress and nervous disorders.

The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that: It destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas ... The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells. And what is even more astonishing: this type of therapy with lemon extract only destroys malignant cancer cells and it does not affect healthy cells.

Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Cause Street, Baltimore, MD1201

Maddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went…

Maddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test...


Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Maddy: Seven!
Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Maddy: Seven!
Tester: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Maddy: Six.
Tester: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?  
Maddy: Seven!
Tester: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Maddy: I’ve already got one rabbit at home!

Now that's cool!

Now I understood what marketing is....

Now I understand what marketing is:You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: “I am very good in bed”. That is Direct Marketing.


You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends approaches her and tells her: “That guy over there is very good in bed”. That is Advertising.


You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You ask for her phone number. The following day you call her and tell her: “I am very good in bed”. That is Telemarketing .


You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You recognize her, you approach her and refresh her memory by telling her: “Do you remember how good I am in bed?” That is Customer Relationship Management. 


You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You get up, fix your tie, pour her a drink, open the door for her, pick up her bag when it falls and you tell her: “I am very good in bed”. That is Public Relations.


You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. She approaches you and tells you: “I heard you are very good in bed”. That is BRANDING!!!

Bill gates 11 rules for children

Bill Gates High School Speech - 11 Things Kids Will Not Learn in School


Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a high school about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.


Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault; so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you "FIND YOURSELF". Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television and video games are NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. 

7 Wonders in the world

MATHEMATICS GENIUS

Valor is a gift - (Soldier and Software Engineer )

A conversation between a Soldier and Software Engineer in Shatabdhi Train ...

Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man. Even the plush comfort of the air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdhi express could not cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to air travel. It was not the prestige he sought; he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time. As PM, he had so many things to do!!

He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.

"Are you from the software industry sir," the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop. Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.
"You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir. Today everything is getting computerized. "

"Thanks," smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stockily built like a sportsman. He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.
"You people always amaze me," the man continued, "You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside."

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naive ness demanded reasoning not anger. "It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it."

For a moment, he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single statement. "It is complex, very complex."
"It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid," came the reply.
This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence crept into his so far affable, persuasive tone. "

Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in. Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office, does not mean our brows do not sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing."

He could see, he had the man where he wanted, and it was time to drive home the point.

Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country.

Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrently; data integrity, locking, data security. Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?"

The man was awestruck; quite like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination.

"You design and code such things." used to," Vivek paused for effect, "but now I am the Project Manager."

"Oh!" sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over,
"So your life is easy now."
This was like the last straw for Vivek. He retorted, "Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work.
Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality.

To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end, always changing his requirements, the user at the other, wanting something else, and your boss, always expecting you to have finished it yesterday."

Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with self-realization. What he had said, was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth.

"My friend," he concluded triumphantly, "you don't know what it is to be in the Line of Fire"

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization. When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek.
"I know sir.... I know what it is to be in the Line of Fire......."
He was staring blankly, as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.
"There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night.

The enemy was firing from the top.
There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom.
In the morning when we finally hoisted the tricolour at the top only 4 of us were alive."
"You are a...?"

"I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a soft assignment.
But, tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier.
On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker.

It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain sahib refused me permission and went ahead himself.

He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded... ....his own personal safety came last, always and every time."
"He was killed as he shielded and brought that injured soldier into the bunker. Every morning thereafter, as we stood guard, I could see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir....I know, what it is to be in the Line of Fire."
Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of how to respond. Abruptly, he switched off the laptop.

It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a Word document in the presence of a man for whom valor and duty was a daily part of life; valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes.
The train slowed down as it pulled into the station, and Subedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight.

"It was nice meeting you sir."
Vivek fumbled with the handshake.
This hand... had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tricolour. Suddenly, as if by impulse, he stood up at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute.

It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

PS:- The incident he narrated during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Vikram Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and various other acts of bravery, he was awarded the Param Vir Chakra, the nation's highest military award

Very Funny Joke

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof — out pops a genie.”Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you.
”The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, “I’d like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew.”"It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.
The software engineer thinks a moment and says, “I’d like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest.”"It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.
The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, “I’d like those two back in the office after lunch.”

Things You Don’t Want Your System Admin To Say

Things You Don’t Want Your System Admin To Say
1. Uh-oh… 2.Oh S***! 3.What the heck?!? 4.Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) 5.That’s SOOOOO bizarre. 6.Wow!! Look at this… 7.Hey!! The Suns don’t do this. 8.Terminated?!? 9.What software license?!? 10.Well, it’s doing SOMETHING…
11.Wow…that seemed fast…12.I got a better job at Lockheed… 13.Management says…14.Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgeted. 15.What do you mean that wasn’t a copy? 16.It didn’t do that a minute ago… 17.Where’s the GUI on this thing? 18.Damn, and I just bought that Coke… 19.Where’s the DIR command? 20.The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver. 
21.I cleaned up the root partition and now there’s LOTS of free space. 22.What’s this “any” key I’m supposed to press? 23.Do you smell something? 24.What’s that grinding sound? 25.I have never seen it do THAT before… 26.I don’t think it should be doing that… 27.I remember the last time I saw it do that… 28.You might as well all go home early today… 29.My leave starts tomorrow. 30.Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
31.Hmm, maybe if I do this… 32.Why is my “rm -R *” taking so long?” 33.Hmmm, curious… 34.Well, MY files were backed up. 35.What do you mean you needed that directory? 36.What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it! 37.Do you really need your home directory to do any work? 38.I didn’t think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job. 39.Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you? 40.We’re standardizing on AIX.
41.Wonder what THIS command does? 42.What did you say your (1)user name was…?